The gift guide you never, ever wanted
Sometimes even the best Southern families leave their big kitchens filled with mouthwatering Thanksgiving leftovers like honey-baked ham, slow-cooked green beans, squash casserole, sweet-potato pie, and homemade biscuits to partake in "ham," "green beans," "squash casserole," "sweet potatoes," and "biscuits" at a Cracker Barrel restaurant.
That is exactly how I found myself yesterday manuevering my way through the massive tables of kitty-cat sculptures, Best of Conway Twitty CDs, "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" sweatshirts, and old-timey candy jars that occupy the "Old Country Store" in the Cracker Barrel near my mom and dad's house.
The 'Barrel, of course, asked us to wait five minutes inside the store for our table (very convenient in case one of us decided that we'd like to add a "Kiss My Grits" apron or Kountry Kritter Kup n' Saucer Kit to our credit-card bill). And as those five minutes became 10, became 15, became etc., etc., I knew that I had just two choices: walk outside and freeze while sitting on one of the store's rocking chairs, or find a way to manage the madness while trapped inside the World's Most Annoying Store.
And so, because I hate cold weather and love a challenge, I decided to stay inside and attempt to master the unmasterable: the creation of an almost-decent holiday gift guide using only items found inside the Cracker Barrel Old Country Store.
Enjoy. And I promise to never, ever do this to you again.
FOR THE FOODIE
Bone Suckin' Sauce, $4.99
Virginia Homestyle Peanuts, $5.29
FOR THE BEAUTY ENTHUSIAST
Dionis Blue Ridge Wildflower Hand Cream, $9.99
Kirk's Castile Bar Soap, $1.49
FOR KIDS
Sock monkey, $17.99
Potato gun, $3.99
FOR STUFFING STOCKINGS
Jawbreakers jar, $4.49
Cracker Jack Collector Series, $0.99
FOR THE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY WANT YOU TO BUY THEM SOMETHING FROM THE OLD COUNTRY STORE
Gomer Pyle DVD, $29.99
Fiber Optic Angel with Motion, $22.46 (on sale! AND IT MOVES!)
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Gift Ideas | tagged Cracker Barrel, christmas, tacky gifts | Email Article | Share Article | Permalink | 9 Comments
Reader Comments (9)
I never knew I wanted a potato gun!
So funny! My husband and I were there for breakfast yesterday and I saw that BBQ sauce and laughed! :)
I know! The packaging says it's "harmless," but I feel like I could do some awesome damage with a potato gun, personally.
Madie--I love the line on that packaging that says, "We're Talkin' Serious." CRACKS me up.
We stopped at the Barrel on the way down to Maryland on Wednesday. There are 2 on the NJ turnpike. I would personally not mind a jar of fried apples for Christmas.
Hint taken, 5S...
Love this quirky challenge you gave yourself! I mean, there's always something to be found in even the most unideal of places. Do this more!
THAT is funny. Man, I love Cracker Barrel. But, can't say their store is on my top 10. lol
Call me crazy, but I kind of really want a “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” sweatshirt. In fact, I think I am going to put it in Santa's letter.